One afternoon last week I was collecting my youngest
son (YS) from school when one of his teachers came running up to tell me there
had been an “incident” that day.
Allegedly one of the little girls in Year 3 had said to YS’s Best Buddy: “I bet YS’s parents got divorced because of him!” And, thinking he was doing the right thing, Best Buddy passed that message right along.
Apparently there were tears, followed by anger and a significant dose of humiliation, to the point where my boy declared to all of his classmates that he didn’t want anyone knowing his “private business”, so could they please all refrain from EVER talking about his family to anyone.
Once we were in the car and heading home, YS and I did what we always do when stuff happens – we talked it through. What struck me most by that conversation was how kind and insightful that boy is. He’s just turned 10 but is always willing to see things from the other side, even when he’s been hurt.
The first thing he pointed out was that it was “absolutely ridiculous” to think the divorce could ever be his fault:
“I was only 16 months old… And does she know how much you and Dad love me!” he stated with the utmost confidence.
Too right, I confirmed, adding that divorce could only ever be the fault of the adults, not the kids.
He was still feeling embarrassed and reiterated his belief that his family life should be kept private at all times
(I had to choke a little on that – he has no idea I blog and I’m not looking forward to that conversation when it comes).
He also said the divorce was the “worst thing that’s ever happened to me”, so wondered why someone would deliberately say something horrible about “my worst thing”.
Then, after raging for a while, he did what he typically does and turned it all around by saying: “It’s just really sad and awful that she would think something like that at her age!”
His solution, he decided, was to talk to her about it. He wanted to let her know that it was hurtful and humiliating, and he planned to advise her that she had to think before she spoke and not just say silly things that weren’t true – ESPECIALLY to someone’s best friend.
“Hopefully she learns a big lesson,” he added. “She might cry and feel embarrassed, but then she will know exactly how I feel.”
Allegedly one of the little girls in Year 3 had said to YS’s Best Buddy: “I bet YS’s parents got divorced because of him!” And, thinking he was doing the right thing, Best Buddy passed that message right along.
Apparently there were tears, followed by anger and a significant dose of humiliation, to the point where my boy declared to all of his classmates that he didn’t want anyone knowing his “private business”, so could they please all refrain from EVER talking about his family to anyone.
Once we were in the car and heading home, YS and I did what we always do when stuff happens – we talked it through. What struck me most by that conversation was how kind and insightful that boy is. He’s just turned 10 but is always willing to see things from the other side, even when he’s been hurt.
The first thing he pointed out was that it was “absolutely ridiculous” to think the divorce could ever be his fault:
“I was only 16 months old… And does she know how much you and Dad love me!” he stated with the utmost confidence.
Too right, I confirmed, adding that divorce could only ever be the fault of the adults, not the kids.
He was still feeling embarrassed and reiterated his belief that his family life should be kept private at all times
(I had to choke a little on that – he has no idea I blog and I’m not looking forward to that conversation when it comes).
He also said the divorce was the “worst thing that’s ever happened to me”, so wondered why someone would deliberately say something horrible about “my worst thing”.
Then, after raging for a while, he did what he typically does and turned it all around by saying: “It’s just really sad and awful that she would think something like that at her age!”
His solution, he decided, was to talk to her about it. He wanted to let her know that it was hurtful and humiliating, and he planned to advise her that she had to think before she spoke and not just say silly things that weren’t true – ESPECIALLY to someone’s best friend.
“Hopefully she learns a big lesson,” he added. “She might cry and feel embarrassed, but then she will know exactly how I feel.”
© 2011 What a Music Ltd.
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