“Why do you want to be with a man who’s telling you
he’s not in love with you?”
Posed by my
counsellor after my first few sessions with her, this was the question
that completely woke me from my post-separation stupor.
Image: Source unknown.
I had never had any counselling before, and I felt awkward and self-indulgent and vulnerable at first, but my counsellor was so gentle and kind and knowing that her bright and sunny room soon became a beautiful sanctuary. Being able to talk so freely about myself was a revelation in itself, and – after being in a relationship for so long – I was pretty keen to make some sense of my unwanted new reality.
On the first few visits she listened intently as my heart was bleeding out, and now it was obviously time to shake things up and give the conversation a whole new direction. Her question seemed so obvious, yet I hadn't considered it at any point.
Apart from the fact that I desperately didn’t want our sons to follow in my footsteps and hail from a broken home filled with fractured hearts, I didn’t really have a worthy answer. But even when the session ended, I couldn’t get that question out of my head and it marked a turning point as far as my heartbreak was concerned.
Really, why would anyone want to be with someone whose actions have stated loudly and clearly that love has left the building? And, more specifically, why would I want to be with someone that was prepared to completely betray my trust and tear our lovely little family apart?
That single question made such an impact that it stays with me still, and I think it’s something we should all ask the young men and women in our lives to ponder as they start entering into relationships. Hopefully it will go some way to teaching them the importance of loving themselves over and above all others.
I had never had any counselling before, and I felt awkward and self-indulgent and vulnerable at first, but my counsellor was so gentle and kind and knowing that her bright and sunny room soon became a beautiful sanctuary. Being able to talk so freely about myself was a revelation in itself, and – after being in a relationship for so long – I was pretty keen to make some sense of my unwanted new reality.
On the first few visits she listened intently as my heart was bleeding out, and now it was obviously time to shake things up and give the conversation a whole new direction. Her question seemed so obvious, yet I hadn't considered it at any point.
Apart from the fact that I desperately didn’t want our sons to follow in my footsteps and hail from a broken home filled with fractured hearts, I didn’t really have a worthy answer. But even when the session ended, I couldn’t get that question out of my head and it marked a turning point as far as my heartbreak was concerned.
Really, why would anyone want to be with someone whose actions have stated loudly and clearly that love has left the building? And, more specifically, why would I want to be with someone that was prepared to completely betray my trust and tear our lovely little family apart?
That single question made such an impact that it stays with me still, and I think it’s something we should all ask the young men and women in our lives to ponder as they start entering into relationships. Hopefully it will go some way to teaching them the importance of loving themselves over and above all others.
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